Nerves of Steel – It’s Back to School Time!
Back to school time evokes many feelings for all of us, mostly excitement (especially for parents), but it can also be worrisome for some and anxiety provoking for others. Whether this is your child’s first experience going to school solo or they are pros at the school or day care scene they could be feeling nervous about their new school or new school year. This is normal! Worrying is a natural emotion and consequence of starting something new or facing something unknown. As parents we tend to worry when our children worry and try to fix our children’s problems. Sometimes parents can unknowingly create more anxiety in their children by doing everything they think is right to help them. You know your children best but if you are seeing signs of worry or anxiety around school some things to avoid might be: over talking about the issue; suggesting false promises of what the outcome might bring; offering rewards or punishments for complying; trying any number of panaceas that you think could make your child feel better; or avoiding the situation entirely.
If your child seems concerned about starting school, or tells you they are worried about their new school the best advice we can give you is to listen to their concerns, address them as concisely as possible, and end with a positive. “You’ve got this!” is a great way to end the conversation. “You’re going to love school!” is another. If you’ve got a future lawyer on your hands a direct, “We’ve discussed this enough, it’s gonna be great,” might be needed. My go to if all else fails, is to distract, change the subject, and move on! The reason this advice works is that the more attention and substance you give to your child’s worries, the more power it gains and the more they think the worry is valid. If you show hints of being nervous, if you are giving them coping skills, if you offer crutches, your child will believe that they need those interventions, that there is something to be scared of at school and they can’t do it without that help. You want them to know that they can do it on their own. And they can!
And, just so you know, every child who comes to our school finds their cubby and their hook with no problem, makes friends immediately, eats snack or lunch with peers, has positive teacher interactions, enjoys the space, finds plenty to play with, has a lot of fun, knows when and how to pack up to go home, and always LOVES school. We help, we support, we nourish and we notice every child, all the time!
Remember, too much talk, too much mention, too many reminders of something your child is worried about can make them worry more. If worries persist or get bigger, there may be need for more serious conversations, anxiety is a real concern and needs real attention but for most children, and adults, being a little nervous about something is ok. All of these new feelings and new experiences help your child learn how to cope with life. Once they can handle the little things, they will soon be able to handle the not so little things all on their own.